you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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