We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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