Pants 0. Shit 1.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
