omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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