You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
