So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
