At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
