I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
