Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
