I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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