your thong is hanging out like whoa
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
