I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
