I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
