Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
