So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
