you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
