Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
