She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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