you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
