On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
