A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
