on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So much rum. So many feels.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
