dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
