Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So gin and wine won't be happening again
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
FUCK WHALES
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
