Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
