You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
