i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
