things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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