Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm at about main and main street
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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