i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize