Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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