I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
