If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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