I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
