I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
