Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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