come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
