Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
