That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
