i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i love accidental penises.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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