if you like me you must not know who I am
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
