it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
