I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
