This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
