No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
