You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
