are you still at the devil's house?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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