At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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