I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
