hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
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So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
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You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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