Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
