weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize