not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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